Having a Second Baby with a Toddler
An Introduction to Having a Second Baby with a Toddler
Many people know that they want to have at least two babies- they want a sibling for their oldest, they love their baby and want to increase their family size, or they just always had a sense of having at least two kids. That means that at some point, you’ve got to have that second baby! Many families will choose to have a second baby with a toddler because they want their kids closely spaced in age. Having a second baby with a toddler can be daunting and overwhelming, and it is certainly a big transition for the whole family. As experienced midwives we’ve seen many families go through this transition so here are a few ideas and approaches to help.
Helping Your Toddler Prepare for A Second Baby
As you know, your toddler is a complex being with a big range of emotions and experiences. Talking to your toddler openly and in language they can understand will help them to get some understanding of the idea that a new baby is on the way. Connecting to their emotions and helping gently to guide them can be of service to everyone. You might slowly introduce the idea of the baby, “introduce” the baby through your belly, and talk about what babies do. Lots of toddlers feel really excited about baby bumps and seem to intuitively understand what a baby is. Most toddlers get really excited about their new baby! They feel pride and ownership when they consider that they are bigger, and they can help their family with the baby. All of that can be sweet and gentle in getting them ready for the transition of no longer being the littlest, or the neediest, part of their family.
Some families like to read books together to prepare for having a second baby with a toddler. There are lots of titles on various websites to choose from, and they can make a great bedtime story as you prepare for the birth.
Watching videos of birth and newborns is a great way to normalize the behavior and presence of babies. If you’re planning a home birth, there are thousands of YouTube videos to watch on birth that many toddlers are very interested in. You can select videos that work for your family and your toddler’s ability to take in information without it being overwhelming. Many toddlers in our care love to act out what they’ve seen in the videos!
Playing pretend is also a great way to introduce the idea of the baby. You can have the toddler choose a baby doll, nurse their baby, change their baby’s diaper, and soothe their baby. We encourage toddlers in our care to practice being gentle and nurturing with the baby, and most of them are very sweet when they meet their new addition.
Spending some time with newborns is also a great way to get toddlers excited about the new baby. Toddlers almost all inherently love babies, and they’re interested in them. They love to see when they feed, when they cry, and when they open their eyes. Toddlers are naturally drawn to babies, and spending time with newborns before they have a newborn at home is very helpful.
Create, and maintain, a routine that centers the affection between the toddler and a parent. Often, this means the non-birthing parent is taking a more central role in the care of the toddler, which can be exciting and sweet. Having routines like Mommy or Daddy time, where the toddler gets to do an activity they like with parents they love, can help to ease the transition to having less of the attention (which is inevitable) as a second baby joins the family.
Your Birth Plan and Your Toddler
We always ask families in our care if they are planning on having their toddler at their birth. For some families, it’s immediately obvious to them that they won’t- their toddler is very high energy, for example, and they know that they’ll be distracted. Other families imagine that their calmer and more sensitive, toddler might be interested in the birth. Of course, age, interest, and a variety of other factors can influence whether you think you’d like your toddler around for the birth. For some people, they want their toddler out of the house, others want them in their bed nearby, and others want them in the birth room. Most parents agree that whatever seems to be working for the toddler in the moment (and who can predict that?) is what the best thing to do will be. Birth plans with toddlers, like so many birth plans, can change as circumstances change. It’s a great idea to have a particular person who is there to help the toddler through the experience, whether that’s a sibling doula, a family member, or the second parent. As with all births, the most important thing is that the birthing person feels centered and is able to make informed decisions along the way, resulting in a safe and satisfying experience. Sometimes toddlers are a part of that- and sometimes not!
No matter how your family does things, the transition from one to two is a big change. We see lots of birthing people experience a range of emotions as they add to their family- there’s often, but also grief as you must necessarily separate some from your toddler in order to make space for your new baby. This can be difficult, and all the emotions that come with having a second baby with a toddler are understandable and allowed. Being a mom is not easy, and this dynamic is no exception. Take care of yourself, mamas.
Having a Second Baby with a Toddler?
If you’re looking for midwives in the Portland OR area, contact us and schedule a free consultation. We would love to hear from you and see if it would be a good fit. Wishing you all the best!
