How to Start the Home Birth Conversation With Your Partner
You want a home birth for your baby, but your partner has some reservations. This is a completely normal scenario.
It’s important to remember that your partner may be coming from a place of concern, and not necessarily a lack of support. Having a home birth is a big decision, and your partner may have valid questions about the risks associated with forgoing a hospital birth.
If you're in this situation, it can be difficult to discuss the pros and cons of home birth and make a detailed plan that works for both of you. That's why we've put together some suggestions on how to start the home birth conversation and tips to get your partner on board with home birth.
Is Home Birth Safe?
The quick answer is, yes. In fact, home births can have fewer complications than hospital births and many medical professionals even choose the homebirth option for their families. If you're working with an experienced professional midwife who's trained in home birth safety, you'll get high-quality care and lots of personal attention.
HOME BIRTH IS NOTHING NEW
Historically, birth at home was quite common; and in many parts of the world, it still is.
Unfortunately, though, home birth isn't well understood in our culture. This may contribute to why it's not as known or popular in the US today. Some reasons for this may include:
The medicalization of pregnancy, labor, and delivery
Confusion about insurance coverage
Lack of access to qualified midwifery services
Inadequate information or education about birthing alternatives
HOME BIRTH BY THE NUMBERS
Let's pull the veil of mystery and confusion back a little more with some fast facts and figures — knowledge is empowerment!
Here are some interesting tidbits to consider. Based on one of the most respected home birth studies, by the Midwives Alliance of North America (MANA), of around 17,000 planned midwife-led home births:
Only 5.2% of mothers ended up requiring a C-section, which is way less than the US national average of 31%.
Mothers who did a home birth had significantly lower rates of interventions — like epidurals, drugs to induce labor, and episiotomies — and delivered healthy babies safely.
Those with low-risk pregnancies “experienced high rates of normal physiologic birth and very low rates of operative birth and interventions, with no concomitant increase in adverse events.”
There were meaningful cost savings and other benefits associated with the nature and quality of care, safe deliveries, and reduced use of unneeded interventions.
Helpful Tips to Get Your Partner on Board with Home Birth
When it comes to home birth, you probably want to be in sync with your partner. Home birth is a momentous event after all!
Below are some ways you can work towards an agreement on your birthing plan, so you can make the right choices for your family and move forward with confidence.
1. KEEP AN OPEN MIND
People think that having a hospital birth is the default, but it hasn't always been this way. Home births are natural and an everyday occurrence. Furthermore, they're on the rise, up 12% since 1990.
By being receptive to this concept, you're able to learn the pros and cons of home birth for your situation.
2. TAKE A NATURAL CHILDBIRTH COURSE TOGETHER
On top of being a great opportunity for bonding, taking a childbirth class together is a terrific way to get loads of information in an easier, more organized fashion. If the course has a live or interactive component to it, you may even be able to ask questions specific to you.
Courses are available in many forms. You can watch YouTube videos, read blogs, listen to podcasts, or enroll in a formal course.
3. TALK TO A CERTIFIED MIDWIFE
Connecting with an actual midwife can make a huge difference. They can answer questions, address concerns, and walk you through the entire process.
Speaking to a midwife may ease your mind. Most people who speak with a midwife end up going with home birth.
4. SUPPORT YOUR PARTNER BY MAKING THEM FEEL COMFORTABLE
Actively listen to your partner even if they're not aligned with you at first. Coming to a consensus is often an evolution.
The key is to internalize your partner's concerns and tackle each one with knowledge in a manner that doesn't put anyone on the defensive.
5. READ HOME BIRTH RESEARCH
Does your partner like numbers? Now's the perfect time to look at the data. Providing your partner with some home birth statistics may resonate.
There are tons of home birth studies and reports from reputable sources, like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
6. CONSIDER A DOULA
A doula is a trained professional who provides comprehensive physical, emotional, and informational support to mothers before, during, and after childbirth. They can help you create a birth plan, provide education and resources about home childbirth, and so much more.
Doulas can be an invaluable part of home birth preparation, including helping your partner on their journey to embracing a non-hospital birth.
7. EXPLAIN WHY YOU WANT TO HAVE A HOME BIRTH
If your partner doesn't understand your motivations for home childbirth, they may not realize how important it is to you. Helping your partner get clear on your "whys" — it’s natural, empowering, a beautiful experience, etc. — may win them over.
How to Find a Midwife
You have several options for locating midwives in your area. Here's a short list to get you going:
Ask for recommendations from friends or family members who've had a home birth.
Find out if your natural wellness care providers know any reputable midwives.
Check with local childbirth educators or doulas to see if they can provide referrals.
Consult online directories, like the one on the Oregon Midwifery Council website.
Join a local “moms” group — online or in person — solicit suggestions.
QUESTIONS TO ASK A MIDWIFE
The experts and authors of the MANA study suggest you ask these questions:
Given my specific risk profile and the birthing options available nearby, what birth location is most likely to lead to the best and healthiest outcome for me and my baby?
How does midwife-led care contribute to a safe birth experience?
Do you coordinate or collaborate with my other care providers to get optimal results for me and my baby? If so, how?
Home Birth Resources
There’s an overwhelming amount of information available to you — everything from home birth studies to home birth videos to homebirth groups on social platforms. The ones below are a good jumping-off point.
Common Myths About Home Birth blog post
Local-are professional services providers (e.g., lactation support, physical therapy, etc.)
Talk to Your Partner about Home Birth
Moms-to-be are often asking themselves, “Should I do home birth?” and deciding it’s what they want to do. But, their partners aren’t always so quick to go along.
When this happens, it’s critical that the parents discuss the concerns, address the pros and cons of home birth, and make a detailed plan that both mom and partner have confidence in. There are countless resources available to help you learn about home birthing, facilitate the conversation with an uncertain partner, and find excellent midwifery services.
Hearth and Home is here for you throughout your whole journey. Reach out and let us know how we can help!
